A DECADE AND 10 REFLECTIONS

The End of an Era

The last few weeks of this year are special. It's not only the beginning of a new year, it is also the beginning of a new decade. On social media, the feelings about 2019 range from nostalgia to hope and anxiety. One popular challenge going around is people posting photos of themselves at the beginning of the decade and now, which are pure and hilarious. Instead of a picture (I will not display my Form 4 tomboy gawkishness for all the world to see); I want to share the ten things I have learnt about life over the last ten years that have helped me grow as I reflect on the year ahead.

1. "Life is meant to be enjoyed not endured." My mum often dropped this little gem in my late teens, and it has helped me find the bright moments. We only have one life and it's important to do and see as much as we can. Taking walks, spending time with family and friends, making crafts and so on are little things that give life meaning. Travel is also in my top three things to do more frequently in the New Year because of how therapeutic and inspiring it is.

2. Health is wealth. As someone who often experiences physical, emotional, and spiritual tiredness, this is gold to me. I started listening to my body after abusing it for a long time with stress and unhealthy behaviors. A few months ago, I decided I would take care of my body by making small improvements that have had a big impact since. These included drinking more water every day, exercising, journaling and doing self inventory every few weeks. On the emotional side, I started being a better friend and saying no more often. It shocked me to realize how much I was draining myself making promises I had no real desire to keep. Prayer, reading and listening to music have also helped calm my mind, which has improved my focus and motivation.

3. Invest in yourself. We are often told to know our worth, yet that's impossible to do if you don't know yourself. Whether you are an accountant or an artist, take time to improve and grow in your trade. Use social media to follow people in your field and learn from them. You don't always have to strive for recognition, but you can be exceptional if you spend your time developing your passion and gifts. Treating yourself also counts as an investment because you deserve it!

4. Live your life, TI and Rihanna were right. As someone who used to care too much about other people's opinions, I have had to unlearn that and put my needs above others. There is no one in the world like me, I may not be the only dread locked poet in the world but I have my identity and interests which make me different. Once I stopped caring about what other people thought about me, I felt more liberated and confident to just do the things I wanted to do. You don't have to explain yourself or your choices to anyone because no one can live your life better than you can.

5. Love, learn and repeat. We all want love and we will do anything and go anywhere to find it. Though a novel idea, it's impossible to experience or give good love all the time. That's the beauty of life, every day we get a new chance to love ourselves and others better and it's a waste not to use it. When we have negative experiences, it is important to find the lesson in the pain and to overcome as much as we can. 

6. You are not perfect, but you can be better.  We all make mistakes and we all need to mature. I know that some people never change, but that's not an excuse for YOU not to change. Even your favourite celebrity has issues that bother them, but they don't let those flaws stop them from being their best selves. I struggled for years with insecurities and self-esteem issues because I was so obsessed with what was wrong with me instead of how I could fix those things. Once I embraced my perfect imperfections, I became more kind and considerate to myself, which is slowly radiating to other people. 

7. Relate better with people and you will have better relationships. Relating is constant, and it teaches us to be the good thing we want from relationships. Relating means engaging meaningfully with people, looking at their faces instead of your phone when making conversation and listening to them. I watched this great TED talk about improving communication skills (10 ways to have a better conversation | Celeste Headlee) and I realized how much I only listen to hear myself talk, yikes. As the saying goes, we have two ears and one mouth because it means we need to listen more than we speak.

8. Like seasons, people in your life will come and go. I think this hurts more in adulthood because we become more cognizant of loss and the emotions it brings. Losing our primary school classmates doesn't hurt as much as losing a friend of six years. Even if you do your best on Number 7, this is just an aspect of life to deal with. Just like your own priorities will change, people will too, and it's unfair to make people feel guilty when it happens. I must confess I have been guilty of the latter. Instead of wishing the person I was close with success, I was whiny and sour about them not spending time with me like they used to. Maturity comes from being able to accept that different seasons in your life will require different friendships.

9. Take responsibility. Everyone has a past but not all people let it determine their future. There were a lot of negative and unhealthy attitudes I had about myself and people which I blamed on my past. I spent a long time making excuses justifying my negativity because of all the wrong things that happened to me. It was difficult to accept, but once I realized I was all the things wrong with me it encouraged me to own up and make some necessary changes. This also meant apologizing when wrong instead of waiting for the other person to do it first.

10. Balance is a continuous process. I go to Mavuno Church on Victoria Avenue and one of the former Pastors once preached this aptly metaphoric sermon on the reality and importance of balance. He asked someone to balance a broom on the finger and based his whole teaching on how if you keep your focus upward, you will balance better than when you keep looking at the fulcrum or the point where you are trying to balance. Many of us are juggling a lot such as education, work, relationships, businesses and family and trying to handle all these responsibilities is exhausting and exhilarating. Time management, discipline, and passion for your goals helps steady your vision and manage priorities. It's satisfying to know that we have the rest of our lives to keep finding balance.


Have you considered what you learned about yourself or life in the last ten years? Share with me in the comments below. I would love to learn something from you too.
Here is to the new year and all the change it brings. I hope that this new season will bring impactful and prosperous changes in all our lives.