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ANXIETY vs AMBITION

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Photo by Aarón Blanco Tejedor on Unsplash

Its salient and sudden. My chest is tightening. I am puffing and panting as my heart beat quickens. I'm fidgety. I don't know if I want to turn off the lights or keep them on. I go to the bathroom then pace around my room. Nothing changes. My breathing gets heavier. I don't know if I want to scream or be silent. I don't know if I want silence or music. It's happening again, I know I have to write. That helps sometimes. A little whisper tells me to write something here, I haven't in a while anyway. Maybe someone out there needs to read this. Maybe I just need to write it. Describing it hurts, its making me feel worse somehow. I want to cry and I don't even know why. This sucks. It was my birthday last Thursday, I should still be celebrating. Why won't this stop? I thought I was doing better.
I've lived with this monkey on my back for a long time, I know exactly what's happening. The cause could be one or ma…

"WISDOM FOR MY DAUGHTER" PART 2

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Hello there! 
Last week, I shared some wise words from my Mum that she wrote for me a few birthdays ago. If you haven't read them yet, you can check it out here
I had a quite a productive and busy week to say the least. We started our second semester on Monday (hooray?) and I have been writing as well as painting whenever I can. I look forward to weekends now which is a nice change of pace when every day almost feels the same. I didn't get to finish all my goals but I am happy for the opportunity to rest and start fresh next week.
Reading these words again has encouraged me as I worked, I hope they do the same for you. Shout out to my mama!
1.  WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DON’T GET WHAT YOU WANT? You prayed, you worked hard, you did everything possible but you don’t get the job. Or the opportunity. Or whatever it is. Don’t stay down there. You are allowed to mourn for a bit, but what you are not allowed is to make that define who you are. Get up, sasa and move on! There are always new o…

"WISDOM FOR MY DAUGHTER" PART 1

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Hello!
This is my mum, Steveria. She is outgoing, loving, strong, smart, funny, beautiful, a phenomenal writer, Christian and all around superwoman. She's a terrific friend, manager, sister and leader. Here she is serving face:

For as long as I can remember, my mum has always treated my birthday as a magnificent occasion. Even if we don't spend it together, she always tries to send me presents or give me money to spend. My favorite so far was for my 21st. My birthday fell on the Sunday and from Monday she spent the entire week giving me cards and gifts. I was so overwhelmed and happy because she outdid herself each day. There was a driving lesson voucher, a photo shoot and a Bible, among other things. 
Out of all these gifts over the years, the most precious to me are her letters. Whether it's an email, text or physical, the loving words and wisdom she writes are so profound that they stay with me and I go back to them when I need motivation or encouragement. We are each othe…

THE END AND THE BEGINNING

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THE END
What is the urban life sans insanity?

I last published a blog post almost four months ago. The last time I even looked at this blog or my drafts was two months back. Time seems to fly by the fastest when you waste it. Where have I been? Perhaps you are curious or couldn't care less. If you are a first-time reader, it might even surprise you I have a blog. Either way, welcome to the revived musings of a millennial figuring it out. Back to the question, I want to blame Miss Rona (why not Mr Rona, haven't men caused more calamities in this world than women? I digress) but like so many people in the world, this pandemic forced me to stop the business of busyness and really THINK about things I was unconsciously avoiding. 
I will not bore you or scare you with any medical information about the virus. As you have heard many times before, wash your hands regularly, maintain social distancing if you insist on being outside, and stop being a selfish human. The last one isn't a…

LOOKING FOR ME? SO AM I

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Photo by Clemens van Lay on Unsplash
It has been 1 month and 4 days since I left home.
I left the verdant views of Blantyre Blues and headed to the jagged and jazzy metropolis of Johannesburg in pursuit of a higher education and expansion. Towards the end of last year, I got accepted to the University of Wits and thus began my journey of transition and integration in mid-January and it's been a wild ride since.
There are a plethora of emotions and experiences that I am going through, which I am finding hard to articulate because of awe. I am amazed at the beauty and dangers of this city. I am in awe of the academic, social and cultural impact of WITS on myself, other students, the country and the rest of the world. I am humbled and in awe of the privilege and opportunity that I have being part of this elite institution as an ambitious, idealistic artist from Malawi. I am pleasantly overwhelmed by the high standards of excellence, discipline, and growth expected from me at both an …

IF YOU WANT TO CREATE, COLLABORATE

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There is no work of art created in isolation. Every artistic work ever created by a group or individual  was inspired by relationships, culture, systems, people, scripture, emotion and life itself. Every creative has a unique story telling method and motivation, yet we share inspiration

NEW

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Today was a brand new day.  Today was special because there has never been a day like it in history, nor will there ever be. It was a brand new day to learn, love, make mistakes, feel emotions, work hard and play hard. It was another new opportunity to be the best and the worst version of myself. Today was my last day home because from tomorrow, I will be an international item.

My favourite thing about celebrating the new year is that it brings hope and energetic buzz, even when some things around us look the same and bleak. For the first time in a very long time, I am optimistic, excited and hopeful about what is in store in this new season. There is a maturity happening in my spiritual life, I see the changes it is making in my heart and mind step by step. There are new ways I am learning to be a better friend. There are new relationships forming in my life, and I am not afraid to be vulnerable and honest. The rest of the year is about to become busy as I immerse myself in a new cu…